in my racing thoughts and restless sleep this weekend [get this girl a melatonin, quick.], i had a moment of enlightenment. it came to me as i was contemplating life. and what makes it so darn hard sometimes. but then, the lightbulb came on. in a sort of duh moment, i realized that life is a line. not a circle. not a square. it is one long line into the unforeseeable future. and for a planner like myself, that line makes it very difficult to navigate.
up until now, i always had something to look forward to - what is next on the list of goals? where is my next destination? how long until i get there? there was always a plan.
you know - high school graduation. college. clinical opportunities. college graduation. first job. and the heart monitor flatlines. beep. beep. beep. beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. what's next?
sure, there's a wedding. buying your first home. having a child. but, those are not very concrete, planned days in time now are they? and so we go through life just waiting. taking one step in front of the other until something happens. we wait for those moments when the line becomes an exclamation point, and then quickly fades back into monotony.
but, what a terrible way to live! when those days are so few, how can we treasure the flat path in between? it's a daily struggle for me. mostly because i'm dying to live happily ever after [pun intended].
so tell me - how you do it? how do you make it all count? how do you stop planning? how do you stop looking into the future, yet continue to chase your dreams? lay it on me, because this girl has got to get some sleep.